Delicious Deviants, Chameleons At A Rave And Wtf All This Has To Do With Your Business

If you are proud of being the world’s best kept secret and you fully believe that your business is YOUR business and NOBODY else’s business…

And the last thing you want is more pesky clients coming your way trying to give you their filthy money. You don’t know what they’ve been doing with it.

Here are 5 tips to make sure you stay akin to the great Where’s Wally so you can keep your source-given talents to yourself!

1. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DEVIATE FROM FACEBOOK. And only use your business page- strictly posting 1x sales post every 3 months and nothing in between. Extra points if you guilt trip your audience by telling them that nobody supports you even though you’re doing all this for them and have a wonky ear.

2. If you momentarily lost your mind and did something absurd such as pitch to go on TV as an expert (you egotistical motherfunker), keep calm and conjure up as many wild scenarios of everything that could go wrong. Also, speak to Aunt Pat because she once had that friend that went on Catchphrase and ended up with paparazzi living in their bin and that.

3. If you find yourself tempted by the devil’s flashlight (aka the media), remember that you don’t need any platform that’s going to reveal who you are and what you do to millions of people- you are way better than that, guuuuuuurrrl!
If people are meant to find you, they can bloody look. And keep looking. It’s not your fault if they can’t find you, they should have had the foresight to play more hide and seek as a child. You are the PRIZE, baby!

4. Despite all your best efforts, if those bothersome homo sapiens still canter towards you like Uncle Brian’s jovial jig to a free bar at a wedding, a shift direction is immediately required.
Do this ALL THE TIME like a chameleon at a rave, especially if you’ve run out of reasons why not to get featured in media and all that shizz.

5. If somebody swopped your breakfast mushrooms for the magical variety and you did something absolutely absurd, like contact a PR agency (especially those delicious deviants at Dauntless PR) for help getting in the media where you could potentially be reaching people in the millions.
First, give yourself a stern talking to for being an ill-designed and out of control biz whizz.
Second, don’t panic. You have options. I mean, surely you can’t go into the media without being perfect… so go and work on that website, logo, book, willy warmer, etc and this can keep going forever.

If you’re running out of reasons not to though, remember that as a supreme being, you are aligned only with the best so aim high (trust me, I haven’t lost the plot) and (here’s the key) don’t take any of the smaller steps needed to get there because they are WAY BENEATH YOU. Result? You get to stay hidden AND feel good about it. Genius!

And that brings my 5 best kept secret tips to a close.

Always remember-

Your business is your business
And nobody else’s business.